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Da funny jokes section, gone?

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Off-Topic & Non-Support Discussion
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  • M Offline
    Mr. Jingles
    last edited by Jun 29, 2014, 3:45 PM

    Since it says 'talk about anything here' I thought I might as well add  ;D

    Please join it if you like, laughs are good for health, they take away 24/7 stress.

    (And next, for a funny pics thread :-* ).

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

    6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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    • M Offline
      Mr. Jingles
      last edited by Jul 15, 2014, 4:42 AM

      Blonde Traffic Stop
      A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

      The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license.

      She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

      The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

      The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

      "Here it is," she said. The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go.

      I didn't realize you were a cop."

      6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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      • F Offline
        firefox
        last edited by Jul 18, 2014, 5:44 PM

        Truck driver passes a red light
        And colliding with another woman's car

        The woman sues truck driver in court
        And loses
        The woman asks the reason
        The judge replies
        Woman should not leave the kitchen

        The woman gets upset
        And go to another court
        Again she loses the trial
        When she asks why
        The judge replies
        Woman should not leave the kitchen

        Now The woman is very angry
        She goes to another court
        Where she is suing the truck driver again

        This time The judge rules in her favor
        The woman Is pleased
        She asks the The judge way did he rules in her favor
        The judge replies
        I thought it was clear
        the truck driver should not drive around in your kitchen

        Hope you understand
        It loses something in translation to English

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        • M Offline
          Mr. Jingles
          last edited by Jan 9, 2015, 5:12 PM

          I'm a little short on humor right now ( 8) ).

          But I could share this: it has humor in it too, if you are dog lover (and especially: know the Rottweiler, apparently dangerous according to the talking heads in the news papers,  but in real life one of the sweetest dogs you can have - if you know how to communicate with them. My hobby, for over 30 years, is training one breed, and one breed alone: the Rottweiler  ;D ).

          Look at the arrogant face of this puppy - and look at how happy mum is sitting there, with that little kid on her back. That's one pic that says almost everything about what a Rottweiler really is :P

          rottweilersweeties.jpg
          rottweilersweeties.jpg_thumb

          6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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          • M Offline
            Mr. Jingles
            last edited by Jan 9, 2015, 5:15 PM

            And amongst the tens of thousands of Rottweilers pics I have by now (most of my own kids  ;D ), this one is in my absolute all time favorites list. If you look at the expressions in the eyes, the text was extremely well chosen  :-*

            538b3.jpg
            538b3.jpg_thumb

            6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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            • ? This user is from outside of this forum
              Guest
              last edited by Jan 10, 2015, 12:40 AM

              OPNsense.

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              • M Offline
                Mr. Jingles
                last edited by Jan 10, 2015, 5:25 PM

                @gonzopancho:

                OPNsense.

                You know, Gonzo? I actually had to think about an hour if you, by accident, weren't replying in the wrong thread. Before I got it.

                I never claimed the current Dutch are smart; that was our forefathers  ;D ;D ;D

                ;)

                6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                • ? Offline
                  A Former User
                  last edited by Jan 11, 2015, 2:42 PM

                  Allegedly an actual company memo:

                  INSTRUCTIONS FOR REPLACING MOUSE BALLS

                  Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

                  Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

                  Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.

                  Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

                  Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

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                  • S Offline
                    Supermule Banned
                    last edited by Jan 11, 2015, 2:50 PM

                    Poor mice…. :D

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                    • M Offline
                      Mr. Jingles
                      last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:19 PM Feb 10, 2015, 6:12 PM

                      I will keep on trying until all of you join in; there's so many nice people in here, you all must have a bunch of ROFL-stuff in your sleeves, just hoping to see them.

                      A laugh a day keeps the doctor away (it's true(!)) Since I'm a dog lover to the maximus (all my life), having a bunch of Rottweilers running around the house happily, on today's menu: 10 pics  ;D

                      My apologies to non-dog lovers. I love cats too. Any animal, for that matter (I do believe the average animal is nicer companionship than the average human being, in today's mad/sad world).

                      And as a picture says more than 1000 words, the 10 pics.

                      Please DO join in, let's give each other a good laugh: the world instantly becomes brighter with it  :P

                      animal_1.jpg
                      animal_1.jpg_thumb

                      6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                      • M Offline
                        Mr. Jingles
                        last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:12 PM

                        nm

                        dog-owners-will-understand6.jpg
                        dog-owners-will-understand6.jpg_thumb

                        6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                        • M Offline
                          Mr. Jingles
                          last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:12 PM

                          nm

                          dog-owners-will-understand8.jpg
                          dog-owners-will-understand8.jpg_thumb

                          6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                          • M Offline
                            Mr. Jingles
                            last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:13 PM

                            nm

                            dog-owners-will-understand9.jpg
                            dog-owners-will-understand9.jpg_thumb

                            6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                            • M Offline
                              Mr. Jingles
                              last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:13 PM

                              nm

                              dog-owners-will-understand10.jpg
                              dog-owners-will-understand10.jpg_thumb

                              6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

                              1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                              • M Offline
                                Mr. Jingles
                                last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:13 PM

                                nm

                                dog-owners-will-understand11.jpg
                                dog-owners-will-understand11.jpg_thumb

                                6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

                                1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                • M Offline
                                  Mr. Jingles
                                  last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:13 PM

                                  Never understood why, but all my 'Weilers do this: driving 120 km/hr on the highway, all they want is for me to open the back window so they can do that. I don't want wind in my face @ 120 km/hr; my muppets love it ;D

                                  dog-owners-will-understand14.jpg
                                  dog-owners-will-understand14.jpg_thumb

                                  6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                                  • M Offline
                                    Mr. Jingles
                                    last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:14 PM

                                    Believe it or not, one of my Rottweilers, my big boy of 60kg, really sits like this on the couch, when he's watching TV  ;D ;D ;D

                                    funny-dog6.jpg
                                    funny-dog6.jpg_thumb

                                    6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                                    • M Offline
                                      Mr. Jingles
                                      last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:16 PM

                                      Of course, my 60kg big boy also sits like this from time to time - almost  ;D

                                      funny-dog14.jpg
                                      funny-dog14.jpg_thumb

                                      6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                                      • M Offline
                                        Mr. Jingles
                                        last edited by Feb 10, 2015, 6:17 PM

                                        And finally, one of my all time favorite pics  ;D

                                        ![Funny Animals With Funny Texts (3).jpg](/public/imported_attachments/1/Funny Animals With Funny Texts (3).jpg)
                                        ![Funny Animals With Funny Texts (3).jpg_thumb](/public/imported_attachments/1/Funny Animals With Funny Texts (3).jpg_thumb)

                                        6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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                                        • M Offline
                                          Mr. Jingles
                                          last edited by Apr 9, 2015, 8:53 AM

                                          Not many funny people in here it appears  :-[

                                          A guy is applying for Australian citizenship when the clerk asks "Do you have a criminal record?"

                                          "No" the man says. "Is that still required?"

                                          6 and a half billion people know that they are stupid, agressive, lower life forms.

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