Da funny jokes section, gone?
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Blonde Traffic Stop
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said. The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go.
I didn't realize you were a cop."
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Truck driver passes a red light
And colliding with another woman's carThe woman sues truck driver in court
And loses
The woman asks the reason
The judge replies
Woman should not leave the kitchenThe woman gets upset
And go to another court
Again she loses the trial
When she asks why
The judge replies
Woman should not leave the kitchenNow The woman is very angry
She goes to another court
Where she is suing the truck driver againThis time The judge rules in her favor
The woman Is pleased
She asks the The judge way did he rules in her favor
The judge replies
I thought it was clear
the truck driver should not drive around in your kitchenHope you understand
It loses something in translation to English -
I'm a little short on humor right now ( 8) ).
But I could share this: it has humor in it too, if you are dog lover (and especially: know the Rottweiler, apparently dangerous according to the talking heads in the news papers, but in real life one of the sweetest dogs you can have - if you know how to communicate with them. My hobby, for over 30 years, is training one breed, and one breed alone: the Rottweiler ;D ).
Look at the arrogant face of this puppy - and look at how happy mum is sitting there, with that little kid on her back. That's one pic that says almost everything about what a Rottweiler really is :P
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And amongst the tens of thousands of Rottweilers pics I have by now (most of my own kids ;D ), this one is in my absolute all time favorites list. If you look at the expressions in the eyes, the text was extremely well chosen :-*
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OPNsense.
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@gonzopancho:
OPNsense.
You know, Gonzo? I actually had to think about an hour if you, by accident, weren't replying in the wrong thread. Before I got it.
I never claimed the current Dutch are smart; that was our forefathers ;D ;D ;D
;)
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Allegedly an actual company memo:
INSTRUCTIONS FOR REPLACING MOUSE BALLS
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
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Poor mice…. :D
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I will keep on trying until all of you join in; there's so many nice people in here, you all must have a bunch of ROFL-stuff in your sleeves, just hoping to see them.
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away (it's true(!)) Since I'm a dog lover to the maximus (all my life), having a bunch of Rottweilers running around the house happily, on today's menu: 10 pics ;D
My apologies to non-dog lovers. I love cats too. Any animal, for that matter (I do believe the average animal is nicer companionship than the average human being, in today's mad/sad world).
And as a picture says more than 1000 words, the 10 pics.
Please DO join in, let's give each other a good laugh: the world instantly becomes brighter with it :P
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Never understood why, but all my 'Weilers do this: driving 120 km/hr on the highway, all they want is for me to open the back window so they can do that. I don't want wind in my face @ 120 km/hr; my muppets love it ;D
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Believe it or not, one of my Rottweilers, my big boy of 60kg, really sits like this on the couch, when he's watching TV ;D ;D ;D
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Of course, my 60kg big boy also sits like this from time to time - almost ;D
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And finally, one of my all time favorite pics ;D
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Not many funny people in here it appears :-[
A guy is applying for Australian citizenship when the clerk asks "Do you have a criminal record?"
"No" the man says. "Is that still required?"
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A Honda mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Honda when he spotted a well known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, Want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Honda.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked:
"So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $24,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic:
"Try doing it with the engine running".
;D