Looked around and found some solutions, and also decided a few things.
1. Shutting down vm's nicely is not part of workstation. There are a few hacks to get some scripts in windows to force the machines to shutdown, but it's not part of workstation. So it's not quite a server replacement at this point. I fail to see what's the point of having auto-startup, but no auto-shutdown as a feature of a shared vm. I'm hoping by version 9 or so, they will actually get that working.
2. The network adapter not getting marked as connected seems to be an issue, not just with workstation, but server 2.0 also. The solution seems to be to mark some vmware servers as automatic (delayed). The problem seems to happen when the server comes up too fast, before the network is up. Delaying it, solves the problem.
My end solution ended up sticking with server 2.0 for the time being. Workstation as a server seems to still be a bit immature (8 is 1st attempt to get the "shared" vm's working). I'd go with ESX, but I am using the machine as a windows host for other reasons, so ESX is out (and I know I have a piece of hardware that has only windows drivers).
Just an FYI for anyone attempting the same thing… PFsense on all these configurations works with no issues.