ok, after much digging I have found the problem. The problem is VMWare Server 2.0 does not support bridging vlan frames to a virtual interface. If that's what you want you are going to us VMWare ESX and configure a vSwitch to handle that.
Since I'm a cheap son-of-a-b*tch and want to use the free version of VMWare I have to configure my vlan interfaces on the host os and let the host handle the tagging. Then create the host os vlan interfaces as bridged interfaces on the guest. So no vlans run native on the guest (pfsense).
This is all referenced here: http://forum.pfsense.org/index.php/topic,9292.0.html
I did not use the e1000 interface as VMWare claims (in the web config interface) that this is known to cause problems on BSD. I have no idea of the validity of this but I seem to be working ok without it.
Cheers and thanks to all on IRC for chiming in on this.