solved this one via commercial support, following up here for the sake of others who find it in the future. Problem was using a CARP IP with the same VHID on two separate pairs. Input validation prevents doing so on a single pair. When you have multiple pairs on the same broadcast domain, make sure you use unique VHIDs, since the VHID determines the MAC address. When you duplicate VHIDs, you create duplicate MACs, which causes the typical issues when you have duplicate MACs - significant packet loss and general network confusion.
Also a good idea to only use each VHID once at each physical location even if separate broadcast domains (VLANs), while that should work no problem as switches should keep the MACs specific to each VLAN appropriately, it can potentially confuse your switches.