Solved. (Although I still have temporary outages after each DHCP configuration change.)
TLDR; I had the skew on my VIP addresses set to 100 and 200 instead of 0 and 100. Unfortunately I hadn't noticed this since the DHCP failover was working as expected prior to the config change. The notes in troubleshooting HA DHCP failover are worth careful study.
The smoking gun in my post above is that all the communication is on port 519 and not a mix of 519 and 520. This was caused by both of my pfSense units believing they were secondary (since the skews were high). This was found by browsing /var/dhcpd/etc/dhcpd/conf and looking under the clause marked "failover peer".
Thanks! Daryl