Some extra info:
I am running 2.4.5-RELEASE-p1 (amd64)
If I move the vlan interfaces away from the 10G copper (ix0) onto the built-in 1G lagg0 (the internal switch), then connectivity is stable
I followed advises here https://docs.netgate.com/pfsense/en/latest/hardware/tune.html#intel-ix-4-cards so my /boot/loader.conf.local currently looks like:
hw.intr_storm_threshold=10000
hw.ix.flow_control=0
The below is advised in the doc but was already in /boot/loader.conf:
kern.ipc.nmbclusters="1000000"
kern.ipc.nmbjumbop="524288"
TSO/LRO and hardware checksum are all disabled from the GUI.
On latency: even though my WAN connection (pppoe) is on another NIC (ix5), it has increased latency beyond the avg for this link (rtt around 40ms, rttsd about 80ms).
The latency goes away if I stop using the 10G port and move my server on a 1G port of the built-in switch of the XG-7100 (connected via LAGG0).
When the physical interface ix0 is going down, other physical interfaces are still online and the pfsense box is still reachable via other logical interface (ie via some vlan interface over the lagg0 built-in switch).