Update: It turns out that after I updated my onboard NIC drivers to the most current version this version allows you to set the wake-up type (after enabling WOL in APM for the NIC, which is also a setting through this driver) to several different things, one of which was magic packet. Now all is well. Thanks fly out to squarepusher for putting me on to the idea of multiple events triggering a WOL scenario.
I bet this $280 NIC will WOL and then some more…and for that much it better wake me from bed, too.
http://killernic.com/KillerNic/